Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Harry Potter

I know I haven't posted a book review in a long time. Part of that is being a parent to a very active almost-ten-month old, which does not leave me much time for reading. (Not truly complaining, because all too soon, he's going to be grown up and gone.) Part of it is that I decided to re-read the Harry Potter series for the fifth or sixth time.

Everyone has read Harry Potter, which means there is no need for reviews. (You have read it, right? I'm not sure we can be friends if you haven't.)

I just finished the seventh book and moved onto a couple of other books, so I will probably have some reviews for you in a month or so when I finally finish them.

Quote of the Day

"I am no bird; and no net ensnares me: I am a free human being with an independent will."

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

The Invisible Moms' Club

A blog post from Scary Mommy is being shared by many of my fellow loss mommas today on both thebump.com and on FB. 

"...nothing ever prepared me for the sheer weight of emotion that crashed down on me and proceeded, over the coming months, to suffocate me under a dark cloud of anguish.

Nothing prepared me for the waves of anger at pregnant women in the street. 
"At no point was I told about the blind rage which would leave me shaking when I saw misbehaving tots being screamed at by their end-of-the-tether parents. Or being smoked near. Or being ignored when in need of attention. 
"I was utterly unprepared for the isolation from my husband, who (at first) just didn’t *get* why I was so upset. 
"I was defenseless against the accusing voice in my mind, telling me that I was clearly undeserving of a baby/hadn’t been careful enough while pregnant/had done it wrong in the first place. 
"I was ill-informed about how to respond to throw-away comments from the unintentionally insensitive, which left me feeling as though I’d been emotionally assaulted."
 I know those emotions all too well. 

I have been lucky enough to bring home a wonderful, sweet boy, but I still grieve over my lost one. I still get angry that he is gone and that the moments I get with one, I don't get with the other. 

I hate the questions "Is he your first?" and "How many children do you have?" No matter how I answer them, I'm left feeling dirty, either because I deny my first boy or because I bring up a topic that so many feel is better left swept under the rug.

I am no longer an invisible mother, but there is a spot next to my living boy where my invisible boy should be.

"My children count. They have changed me, and I am their legacy." 

Quote of the Day

"It is not the feeling of completeness I so needed, but the feeling of not being empty."

Sunday, April 13, 2014

Quote of the Day

"I've got the guts to die. What I want to know is, have you the guts to live?"

Thursday, April 3, 2014

Quote of the Day (from Goodreads)

"There is a sacredness in tears. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love."

Friday, March 28, 2014

Nine months!

***This is a proud momma post. I know that those can be hard, so click away if you need to. Protect your heart.***

I have a nine month old! When did that happen?

G.T. had his nine month well baby check this morning. He was 24 pounds, 14 ounces (97th percentile); 31.5 inches long (99th); and has a 47 cm head (86th). Basically, the size of your average 16-month-old boy.

My mother-in-law looked up my husband's stats from the same age: he was just over 21 pounds and 30 inches long. My boy is bigger than his daddy and my husband was considered a big baby.

Six weeks ago, Muppet would not even roll over. He could, because we had seen him do it a few times, but he just refused to do it. Then he started rolling and moving all over the place. Two weeks ago, he started to half-ass army crawl. Today, he crawls on hands and knees faster than I would have thought possible. He also pulls himself up on anything and everything he can reach and has started cruising around the furniture.

Our pediatrician always said that big boys were lazy (meaning, it can take them a little longer to hit milestones because of how much mass they have to move), but that once they built up the strength, they took off like rockets. He was not kidding. I cannot believe how much G.T. has changed in just two weeks.

I miss my itty-bitty ten-pounder, but I am loving this stage. Muppet loves to explore, so babyproofing happened rapidly in our house. He also loves to snuggle with me and read or just plain snuggle with my husband, which melts my heart. The two of them also get down on the floor and wrestle, which is hilarious to watch, especially when G.T. "pins" his daddy. When we undress him, we can tell him "arms up," and he puts them in the air so we can pull his shirts off.

The best thing, though, is that he gives us so many happy smiles, hugs, and kisses. 

And now I have to go, because he just found the box of kleenexes. Oops!