Sunday, November 16, 2014


I am in bad, sad place tonight. I have been for a few days. I do not really know what triggered this, but I am missing my lost boy more than usual right now. I know from talking to my grandmother that I will always miss him and I will always wonder what might have been, but I have to admit, that I wish it would stop hurting so much. I also want it to hurt forever.

It is so hard to explain. 

I am so lucky to have my Muppet. When I have my really bad William David days, it makes me feel as if I am ungrateful for the wonderful gift that G.T. is. Then there are the days when I am so consumed by my little love that I do not think about my lost boy until I lie down at night to go to sleep and then I feel like I have let him down.

I hate trying to find the right balance between grieving and moving forward; between being a loss momma and the momma of a living, breathing toddler; between remembering and letting go.

I hate this.

Thursday, November 13, 2014

Quote of the Day (from Goodreads today)

"I kept always two books in my pocket, one to read, one to write in."

I used to do this, though in a purse or backpack, not my pocket. With an e-reader and a phone, it has changed. 

I know so many people hate e-readers because they are not "real" books, but I love mine. I do not use it much at home, because I do love the weight and feel of actual books, but for traveling or for nap jail (when G.T. falls asleep in the car and I do not want to wake him because he needs the sleep), it is nice to have. Many books right at my fingertips without the added weight to the diaper bag.

As for the writing, like many, I just make notes on my phone, though I may try to remember to carry around a small notebook again. Notes can be deleted off a phone and then the thought, the memory is gone. True, those notes are usually just a reminder to pick something up at the grocery store or an email that needs to be sent, but I kept those old notebooks and it is nice to take myself back to those moments or try to figure out what the hell I was talking about. 

Any guesses as to what "B. plume Thurs." means? ;)

Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Quote of the Day

"Sometimes you wake up. Sometimes the fall kills you. And, sometimes, when you fall, you fly."

Monday, November 10, 2014

Lasagna Soup

I love soups, but my husband is not a huge fan. However, lasagna is his favorite food, so I knew I had to try this one when I came across it on Pinterest. 

It has a ton of ingredients, but is actually really easy to make. 

1 pound of ground beef or Italian sausage (I actually used 1/2 pound of beef and 1 pound of sausage)
1 large yellow onion (diced)
3 cloves of garlic (minced)
5 cups chicken broth (Again, I use stock instead of broth.)
1 can (14.5 ounces) petite diced tomatoes
1 can (14.5 ounces) crushed tomatoes
2 1/2 tbsp tomato paste
1 3/4 tsp dried basil
3/4 tsp dried oregano
1/2 tsp dried rosemary
1/2 tsp fennel seeds
1/2 tsp dried thyme
1 tsp sugar
2 tbsp dried parsley
salt and pepper to taste
8 lasagna noodles, broken into bite size pieces
grated mozzarella and parmesan cheeses
ricotta cheese

In a large pot, brown the beef/sausage. (I let the fat cook off, but you can also do this in a skillet, drain the fat, and then toss it in the pot.) Add in the onion.

Once the onion begins to soften, add in the chicken broth, garlic, diced and crushed tomatoes, tomato paste, all the dried herbs, and the salt and pepper. Bring this to a boil and reduce the heat to a slow boil/fast simmer.

Break up the lasagna noodles and add them to the soup. Let them simmer according to the directions on the noodle packaging.

Once the noodles are cooked, ladle into bowls. Top with however much you want of the ricotta, parmesan, and mozzarella cheeses.

I served this with a warm crusty bread. 

I am really bad at blogging about food, though. I once again forgot to take pictures. Both of us really enjoyed this, including my soup-hating husband. I will definitely be making this one again.

Thursday, October 30, 2014

Quote of the Day

"You are never stronger than when you land on the other side of despair."

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

The Secret Holocaust Diaries: The Untold Story of Nonna Bannister

Goodreads: Nonna Bannister carried a secret almost to her Tennessee grave: the diaries she had kept as a young girl experiencing the horrors of the Holocaust. This book reveals that story. Nonna's childhood writings, revisited in her late adulthood, tell the remarkable story of how a Russian girl from a family that had known wealth and privilege, then exposed to the German labor camps, learned the value of human life and importance of forgiveness. This story of loss, of love, and of forgiveness is one you will not forget.

Stasy: I came across this book in the grocery store and because it was a book about WWII and the Holocaust, I added it to my cart without reading about it, assuming it would be much like The Diary of Anne Frank, but by a Jewish girl who survived.

I made a mistake that many do about the Holocaust. Not all the victims were Jewish. Nonna was a Russian Christian. A lot of the reviews harp on that fact as though it makes her less of a victim. Her family was destroyed by the Nazis and she barely survived her time in the camps.

This book is awkwardly put together, but that fault lies with the editors and not the author. Her memories and original pieces included in this book are so well written and heartbreaking.

Rating: ★★★★☆ 

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Thai Spicy Coconut Soup

Lately, my husband and I have been making a lot of the recipes I have pinned on Pinterest. (Who knew you could actually make the things, not just pin them?)

Tonight was a Thai coconut soup.

It's a fairly simple recipe and cooked quickly. I did tweak it a little.

2 tsp olive oil
1 1/2 cups mushrooms (sliced)
1/2 cup red pepper (diced) 
1 inch ginger (peeled and minced)
4 cloves garlic (minced)
1/2 stalk lemongrass (cut lengthwise)
2 tsp Thai red curry paste
3 cups chicken broth
1 cup coconut milk
1 tbsp sugar
1 tbsp soy sauce
Cilantro to top
Serve over brown rice for extra heartiness.

My changes:
2 chicken breasts, sliced
1 extra cup stock (personal preference; always use it in place of broth in recipes) and 1 extra tsp of the red curry paste due to the extra volume because of the chicken.
We did not measure a 1/2 cup of pepper, just diced an entire medium sized pepper.
No lemongrass because my grocery does not carry it and I never made it to the Asian market.
We used white rice because we were out of brown.
We also did not use the 2 tsp of oil because we used our cast iron skillet to cook everything and as anyone who uses cast iron knows, it's always greased up and ready to go.

My husband sliced up the chicken fairly thin and then I cooked it mostly through. From here on out (minus the lemongrass) we followed the recipe.

Heat oil in pan. Add the garlic, ginger, bell pepper, and mushrooms. Cook for three minutes. 
Stir in the curry paste and cook an additional minute.
Add the coconut milk, broth (stock), sugar, and soy sauce. Bring to a boil, then reduce heat to low, and simmer for ten minutes.
If you use the lemongrass, you would remove it before serving over rice. Top with cilantro.

I really liked it and thought it was a good soup for a cool rainy night. (Our first this season! Fall might actually be on its way!) There were no leftovers because I went back and finished it off for seconds. My husband is not as big a fan of soups, but he scooped out the chicken, etc and put it over rice like a stir fry. He did not like it as much as I did. 

We are going to try this again, but we will probably tweak it some more. It says spicy and it has a little bite, but we do like more heat than this recipe provided.

I also forgot to take a picture. (Sorry! My first time blogging about food.) It was really pretty, but dinner was so late tonight that I was starving and dived in before I even thought about it.